Monday, March 23, 2015

Living in the Past  and in the Present...

Living in the past is so easy and so dangerous all at the same time. I look back at the one guy I feel like he could've been the one. He had his faults and I probably would have had to put an ultimatum in front of him. I sit and wonder what he would have chosen me or his pass time.

Lets start from the beginning.. We started as friends with benefits and it slowly to evolve into friendship. I never thought we would become more then FWB. We had the best relationship every. We told each other everything from what woman he liked and what guys said to me. We gave each other advice on dating and in our personal problems. We knew when to back off when we started dating someone. We gave each other space any time we felt like we were getting to close. He was in some ways my best friend. I always felt like I could be myself with him. He was the first person I would call when I got a promotion, had a fight with some family member, or some random person fro work. We had this kind of relationship for 5yrs. After 5yrs it was bound to happen. It was bound to happen that one of us would fall for the other person. I have to say that if we would have tried to make it work it may have worked out. I was raised in a very religious house hold. My parents had no idea that I had this kind friend. I also didn't feel the need to tell them you know. After all I was a 20something year old with a kid. I always had to sneak around to just hang out with him. We didn't always have sex when we saw each other. Sometimes I would go over to his place to just talk, play xbox, or just hang out. I don't know.. it just always felt comfortable between us, never an awkward moment.
I ended up tell him how I felt about him. It seemed like he was interested in trying to maybe work something out with me. But I ended up moving to a different state.

This is where living in the past can became dangerous. All this time I've been comparing all the guys to him. Trying to make them some what like him, trying to have a relationship like the one we had. I know that's wrong, but when you have something that just came so naturally, its hard to give it up. Its hard to have that relationship and all of sudden it be taken away. We tried to stay in touch but when you live in 2 different states its kind of hard. So I started dating and seeing other guys and I'm sure he started dating other woman. Living in the should've, could've, would've is toxic. Wondering if the next guy you talk to will be anything like him. I always tell myself next guy I talk to I will not compare him to my past, but some how I end up doing thing I swore I wouldn't do. I know that thing between us happened for reason and we're not talking or together because we weren't meant to be. I understand that but just because I understand that doesn't mean its easy to follow along.

My past has made me who I am. The people who have come into my life regardless whether they have been lovers, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, and/or relatives, they have all made me the person I am today. But he who will remain nameless has had impact in my life like no other. Not even my kids father had this much impact in my life.

The thing is I'm learning to let go of the past and as much as I want to keep it close to me I know that I can't. I know that by me holding on the past can only do me and future relationship harm. So now that I have put this to pen and paper or better yet keyboard to computer, I feel like I can move on and let myself fall for a nice guy. A guy who will have a clean slate with me and maybe more.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Ex-Boyfriends can be such Assholes!!!

So I ran into my ex boyfriend on the dating website that I met him on, which by the way is funny as hell since a few weeks before I joined the website he had texted me saying how he misses me and how much he loved him. Now that I think about it I kinda wonder how long he had been on the website. I always had a gut feeling he was cheating on me but I could never prove it. Well good thing I didn't get attacked to his girls. I think that's the one thing I don't regret about that relationship. I didn't spend that much time with them but I always wanted to make their live so much better. I say better because well they have a drug addict for a mom and well the father (yes my ex boyfriend) couldn't/can't hold a job down. When I first met him he had job but very quickly lost it too. I have the biggest heart when it comes to children.

But I'm not gonna go there because well I get emotional.

Let me just keep talking about that jobless loser (for short we'll call him JL). He was always giving me all kinds of excuses as to why he couldn't come over or why we couldn't hang out. He only called when he wanted to rub one out and let me tell you it was hard to get into it because he has a heavy southern accent, and it was hard to understand him. He would get so mad at me cause he thought I was making fun him. A part was making fun of him but lets be honest that wasn't my fault. I will say he NEVER asked me for money. I think it had to due with the fact that I told him that I would never give him money since I had a family to take care of. JL never took me to his place because well he was a loser that didn't have a job and couldn't pay rent. He told he lived his friends, his sister, and his mother. We had sex only when would come over, which was like once a month and when we would meet in public places. Yes you read it right in public places. He was the one guy who I can honestly say was never afraid to get caught having sex in public. The funny thing is that when I met him I told him that we could be FWB. I said that cause I wasn't sure if I wanted to get in relationship with him and well the sex was good. I'm woman enough to admit HELL YEAH the sex was good. He made me say  OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Yeah it was that good.
But still I made sure to let him know that it was cool if he wanted to just be fwb. But no he was like no I want a relationship. So I went against my better judgment and decided to date him. I don't know if I dated him for all the reasons or what, but I have come to realize that I dated him for a reason. I learned my lesson on trusting my gut and not to date someone just because the sex is good.

I'm glad I found him on that website it gave the strength to call him out on it. Yes went back and fourth one each but it felt good to go off on him. He always made me feel like I should feel bad for having nice things. I never understood that. You know the funny thing is that we would have had such an easy job if he would've been loyal and faithful. I never asked him to buy me anything or take me out anywhere. I knew his situation. It just sucks having to go threw something like that specially when you like so much more then he likes you. Again lesson learned!

FYI: Ladies never date guy who can't keep a job, and ALWAYS trust your instinct.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Girl Code! Girl Code! Girl Code!

Like I have said before I have joined a couple of dating sites. And I have been having fun talking to some the fellas on these sites. I have run into my ex guys and my friends ex guys.

Now I'm fairly new to the area so I don't know a whole lot of people. I also don't have a lot friends, so when I meant people I try to make friends. The problem I'm running into is that I'm meeting my friends ex guys. Of course sometimes I don't know that they're my friends ex because I've never met before. Let me just jump into this wonderful story. Here goes...

So I meant a nice guy the name of *John Smith* (No that's not his name and I'm not tell you guys his name either). I didn't even know who he was until I saw his profile picture on Facebook.  That's how I figured out he was my friends ex. They have a kid together and I notice that are friends. So I proceed to ask him how he knew her and that how I found out. Now before you ladies start calling me out and saying I broke girl code, I actually didn't. Once I found out I asked him if he minded me ask her if it was alright for us to start talking. He said yes. Which I have to say I was a lil surprised but at the same time I was like well at least he has nothing to hide. So I call her and asked if it was cool and she said it was. At this point I wasn't sure only because I knew that if it was me I would not be okay with it. Even if we were okay with each other. So I let him know that she said it was cool for us to talk and we did.

I will say this I like him but a part me always feels kinda guilty cause he is my friends ex. I'm not the most positive person because I'm not. I like guys to pursue me not to the point where I want to change my number, but you make me feel like they are interested me. I also like a guy who listens to what I have to say. I get that as he wanted to meet me but I had plans this past weekend. So when he asked I told him that I couldn't but that I could the following weekend. So then he asked if we could talk to I said yes, but I get confused when people ask if we can talk when that's what we're doing. Just because we're not on the phone talking doesn't mean we're not communicating. We can text and be communicating. Anywho we spoke last Friday and to be honest it felt like he did most of the talking then anything else. I would talk here and there and just did the "mmhmm" and the "Oh yeah that's nice" answers. Once he was done talking I was getting tired and didn't want to talk to him anymore, but I kept talking to him. He then started asking questions and there was times when he would ask the same questions twice in a row. In my head I was like are you paying attention or do u just not care. I tried have lots patience but by golly god I was ready to tell him off. I event told him that I wasn't a phone person and her like totally brushed it off like I was just messing with. Which is not the case because I really do hate talking on the phone. Even family hates the fact I don't call them. Anywho... I get that he wanted to meet this weekend but I had already told him that I was busy and he kept bugging me to meet him. The more someone pushes me to do something the more I tend to pull back. If I start to feel pressured I start to pull back and not want anything to do the guy I'm talking to.  I'm trying really hard to be nice to him but I feel like yelling at him and tell him to back fuck off just a lil. I feel like he wants me to stop everything for him and I just can't stop everything for him. I've never done that before and I won't start now.

I get that I may feel like that because its been awhile since I've been in a relationship. I also understand that I need to be open to someone but it so hard when its just been me and my family. I hate letting new people into my life because I'm so scared of getting hurt. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to date anyone. I wish I could be like those woman who can jump from one relationship to the next. I have come to realize that I'm okay with the idea of growing old by myself. I don't feel the need to have someone there to witness every lil thing I do. Sure sometimes I want someone to talk to but who doesn't. 

I'm just not sure this guy is the guy for me. I'm glad I asked my friend about maybe starting a relationship with him. I feel like I did the right thing. I'm really not sure about him I'll keep you guys posted on that situation.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Double Standards!!!

I have the hardest time with double standards. I feel like people are sucking the air out of me when people decide to throw the double standard card up. Hells I hate when I use it on my kid. I feel that the rules apply to both sexes. Don't they?

Here's my frustration with it. I have lots of examples on this particular subject. here's my first example:

 I cuss like nobody's business. I may even curse more then a damn sailor. I have no filter because I don't feel like I should. I also don't expect for people to have a filter when expressing themselves. I hate the fact that society has said "Its okay for a man to curse like a sailor, but god forbid for a woman to speak like that.". Seriously you guys have no idea how much that gets under my skin. People may say "Well what kind of an example are you giving your child if you speak that way?". So only woman are parents? Is that it? Man don't have any effect on their children? Wow!
And let's be honest people, do you parents honestly believe that your child/children do not use those words/ language? Who's the naive one in this scenario? I can see young kids like any where from 5th graders and under, not using that kind of language. And that's pushing the age limit for me. But any child who is in middle school or higher, they are using bad language and alot of it. I know because I have a 14yr old and I know for a fact she cusses. Do I get upset about it? Not really, she's my kid for Christ sakes. What I do expect from her is to show respect to her teacher and not use that kind of language in front of then. And I will be honest I think I would be mortified if I ever find out that she cussed out one of her teachers. Knock on wood she hasn't done that yet but a part of me is always waiting for that phone call. LOL! But if I'm being honest I would love her not to use that kind of language only because now as an adult I'm learning that it can get you in trouble.

Another double standard is the whole sex thing. How is it possible that a man can have sex with let throw a number of 10thousand woman and he be considered the man of the year? A pimp as they like to claim themselves to be. Yet a woman is whore, a C@#t (I don't feel comfortable saying this word unless I'm about to cut a bitch.)for sleeping with that many man. Why is that? I feel like that's so unfair. Now please don't go around thinking I'm some sex addict and I'm having all kinds of sex with random people because thats not case.  All I'm saying is that if both sexes are having that much sex you are whores, but hey thats okay because at the end of the day if it makes you happy thats all that matters. I'm not judging and its NOT our business. Now if you want to tell us about your adventures thats on you and you shouldn't get upset when people react a certain way. Now I personally don't have any particular reaction or say on this only because I have known both male and females who have been escorts, and are still in the business. And yes I have called them a whore as a joke not being mean. I always make sure to tell them to be careful as well. It's kinda like woman who are strippers. Hey you want to take your clothes for money, for college money,or just because you have nothing better to do. Then by all means do it just watch yourself and be careful. Like Missy Elliots song says "Ain't no shame, ladies do your thang just make sure you ahead of the game." Like I've said before I hate double standards where they only single out woman.

They're some many more examples of double standards out there but these two are my top 2.

So for the general public STOP with double  standards!!! We are equals for Christ sakes.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Dating is so hard!

As a single person I have seen dating evolve in such a way that it leaves me scratching my head, baffled to say the least. 

I remember back in the day (not that I'm that old) you would meet people by mutual friends, blind dates, meeting at a store or gas station, or hells even the clubs. But now the thing to do (if you're my age) is online dating. Any body who still goes to the clubs at my age just looks like a creeper. Just saying!

At my age most people are married and have the "Perfect life", with the 2.5 kids, a cat and a dog, a nice big house with the white picket fence. But for those of us who don't have that we gotta try new things.

Online dating is funny to me. Man on these websites are hilarious. They all say the same thing, how they all want a honest, faithful, drama free woman. And depending on where you live they will all have the same hobbies. These man are not all  bad looking but they all have one thing in common. They all want a "Trophy Wife" or an "Easy Lay". To the guys who are looking for "Trophy Wife" all I can say is your on the wrong websites. You don't go looking for a "Trophy Wife" on a free dating site.

On my profile, on these online dating websites (Yes I'm on more then 1 website), I'm honest about myself. That includes my age, my appearance, my wants, dislikes and so on. I'm an extremely drama free person due to the fact that I live about 3thousands miles away from my family. Don't lie on anything because eventually they will figure it out. I try not judge any of guys by their looks because at the end looks fade away, but I do need feel some type of attraction. I'm also honest about having a child. Wouldn't want to date guy who isn't okay with me having a kid. And let me just put this out there for all you single ladies you don't have to settle on the first guy who says hello to you on these websites. For the most part, most of the guys on these website want is a good lay. If I see guy on these websites that I like I will send them a message say "Hi" or "Hello". You may ask "that's it"? I do that because I want to see if they can start a conversation with me. Sometimes I will ask them about something I read on their profile. If a guy can start a conversation with me from "Hi" or "Hello" that to me means that the guy is smart and may have a chance with me. So for you fellas reading this is maybe a chance to get an inside look on what some woman want and are looking for. At my age I would more then just looks. I want someone smart who I can hold a conversation with. There's nothing worse then having a conversation with some who doesn't even understand what you are saying because they feel like you're using big words. Now I'm not saying that I'm some book worm or some smarty pants but I do have some knowledge and good conversation with might just get you lucky. Just saying... Also this only applies to me, not every woman.

Now for the fellas. Guys if you're not interested please don't be rude all you have to due is not answer. But if you do reply, please reply in a nice way that you're not interested. You can just simply say "Not Interested". Trust me when I say we get it. I had once sent a message to a to a guy who I was interested and I knew I wasn't his type a message and he was really rude. I messaged him about his tattoo's and he automatically thought I was trying hit on him. I know when a guy is out of my league but fellas don't be assholes about it. Sometimes I message guys because I like something about their profile. Maybe you have cute dog, a nice tattoo, a cute kid. Just because I message you doesn't mean I'm interested in you in that way. Sometimes I message you because I think we can be good friends.

And for all the single fellas and ladies who may be reading this, you don't have to be on just one website. Try as many as you can get on. Just remember that the free one you may not get good results. Where as the ones that you have pay for you may get better results. I'm on the free ones because well as I am a single mother I have to save my pretty pennies for my kid's needs. Be open to the people you talk to, be honest about what you want and are looking for in your potential other half. But most importantly be honest with yourself on what you want. You may think you ready to date but in reality your not.

Anywho that's my insight on this online dating. God! Who knew dating would became so hard! I sure as hell didn't.

Hope you guys are enjoying my posts and as my friends say to me Happy Hunting! HAHAHAHA!!!!  

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

To all my Single People,

So where are all my single parents or single people? Ever go on a blind date and wonder "Where did I go wrong?", or "How did I end up here?".

Well that's exactly what happened to me this past weekend. I want to say I got catfished but the truth is I wasn't. I was given false advertising. I didn't get catfished what I did get was hoodwinked.
I try not to judge anyone by their appearance but most of us have certain things we like. Maybe we can over look them if the person is genuine. Now I'm not saying that I'm like some drop dead gorgeous woman because I'm not. What I will say about myself is I have great personality. I know what your thinking oh god she's ugly but in all honesty I'm descent looking with a great personality. Sure I can stand to lose weight, but I'm up front and honest when I meet people about my looks.

As a single parent I don't have much time to go to clubs and meet guys. Aside from the fact I'm to old and meeting someone at a club really won't end with a happy story ending. Maybe a good lay but no real romance. And the chances of meeting Mr. Right at the grocery store are slim to none. So I'm trying online dating, which is kinda scary. I hear all kinds of horror stories which make me think twice, but I have decide to give it a try. I will not say what dating site I'm using but I will say its a free one. I have met some nice guys and some rude guys.

Like I have mentioned already I went on semi-date this past weekend. You may ask what is a semi-date? We met in a public place (The public place being his work) making it a semi-date because he had work that night. Which I was glad because I dint know what kind of person he might have been. He did not look anything like his picture. That's where the false advertising comes into play. The picture he used on the website was one of him about 10yrs ago. So imagine my surprise when I met him. The man looked like he had just rolled out bed. I know he was going to work after we met but he could have tried to look clean. Here's the thing we all have something we notice when we meet people. It can be the person eyes, hands, legs, hells the persons butt. Well the first thing I notice is a persons teeth. I use to be a DA (Dental Assistant) so of course I'm going to course I'm going to look at his teeth. My god it looked like he forgot to brush his teeth for like a week. Now I'm not trying to be mean because not. First impressions are important to me. We had somewhat descent conversation but I felt like we didn't have much in common. He seems like a very nice guy who I would rather be friends with. I did make him aware that I was dating other people and that I wasn't looking for anything serious. I wasn't lying about that, because the truth of it all is that right now I'm just trying to figure out who I am and what I want in a man.

Like I have said before I have only had 2 serious relationships. I didn't date much when my child was younger because well I was always to busy taking care of her that I really didn't have much time to date. Aside from the fact my situation was different then what it is now. Now I'm not saying that I didn't have my adventures and get my needs met, because I did. But now my daughter is growing up and pretty soon (in 4 years) she will be leaving to go to college. I have pretty much giving up my life her, and I have enjoyed every minute of it but now its time for me to find my happy ending.

The one thing I have learned from this date is that I need to go on every date with an open mind. To ask for a recent picture before meeting. And most importantly always meet in a public place (which I did).

Can't wait to for my next online dating adventure. :)

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Hello Everyone!

My name is Adrianne and I'm a 35yr old single mom to a wonderful 13 (soon to be 14yr old) daughter. I decide to start this blog because I feel like people steroetype single moms.

I'm proud to be a single mom. I've never been married. My daughter is everything to me. I think its funny how society still stereotypes people.

For example:

I have tattoos and piercings and I get all kinds of looks from people. I hear them say things like "Look at her, how does she expect to find a job looking like that?". So in return I ask 'What makes you think I don't have a job?''. Of course by then they don't say any else and they usually have a sour puss face and walk away. My favorite is when people see me and just assume I've been to jail, because I have tattoos.

Another example is:

I'm a single mom who has never been married has had maybe 2 serious relationship my whole life. I'm no skinny minnie and dont try to mold myself to societies perfect woman. With that said I would like to add that no I'm not like some 300lbs person either. I'm a lil curvey (No I'm not giving my exact weight) but I will say I could stand to lose some weight. I'm so sick and tired to hear people ask me the same questions like "How do you expect to find a man?" or my favorite "You're not getting any younger, shouldn't you try to loss weight to get a man, any man?"

First of all I shouldn't have to settle for any man just because I'm not a size 0 or because I look a certain way. I want single moms who have gone or are going thru this to know you're not alone.

So with that said I just want to say that really this blog is for me to share my expriences with those who want hear them. No subject is taboo for me. I'm opened to just about all subjects, including my daughter. I'm sure there will be times when I will ask for advice. So if you got some please do share with the rest of us. I don't want people to be negective. You as a reader may not agree with me and that's okay, as long as you respect my thoughts. You can comment if you want but be respectfull and I will respect your thoughts and opinions as well.